Sunday, 6 October 2013

UK X Factor - Week 6

I fear this will be something of a serial, as I tend to watch the UK X Factor every year from August to December.  You can always skip this bit if you find the idea of watching Simon Cowell's offal abhorrent.  I just use it to help clear my sinuses as it routinely makes me cry.

So, we are at Judges' Houses.  Apart from Mrs Sharon Osbourne, who is using her actual house (no doubt with Ozzie shuffling around making tea for the crew), the others are using rented gaffs.  Judges' Houses is where each mentor meets their six creamiest contenders who, while sitting on a rockery waiting their turn, sob about not wanting to go home and, e.g., drive a white van again.  One hopeful was wondering what to tell her three-and-a-half year old daughter if she was axed.  Here's an idea: don't tell her.  She's probably watching In the Night Garden and eating Haribo with your mum.  I long for someone to say "Well I'd like to go through but, you know, making goats' milk cheese is very rewarding and I'd miss that."

After being ritually axed/not axed by the Machiavellian mentors, the finalists then go and sob all over Dermot O'Leary.  He must get through a ton of shirts.  He's very kind though and never says "Euuurgh, all down my Fred Perry."

Last night was the Boys, mentored by Louis Walsh; and the Overs, mentored by Mrs O.  Louis seemed to need an awful lot of company to make his decisions.  On the sofa with him was an Appleton sister, one of Westlife, and Sinitta, who sat with her legs drawn up, trying not to look surplus.  I couldn't tell you who Louis put through but it does amuse me when sixteen year olds say grimly they have waited all their life for this and worked so hard.  Eeee my day...

Mrs O looked lovely in a sparkly loose dress type of thing (good job I don't write about fashion).  I wonder if in a spare room she has jars full of bits of her face, like Eleanor Rigby.  Now I can remember two that she put through - Sam the prisoner officer, and Shelley of the white van, who is what might charitably be called "bubbly".

So who made me cry?  Sam did.  She's so clearly for the chop in a few weeks because she is just so ordinary.  But her voice is amazing, and I sobbed.  Where is Dermot when you need him?

Shelley, without her white van.

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